it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize