i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She's the barista slut.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize