Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
