i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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