so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
