I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
