I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Damn victory sex feels great
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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