Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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