I want you more than these girls want KFC
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
