By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
false alarm. still invincible.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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