Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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