Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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