omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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