Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
