I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize