K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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