the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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