he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
