So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
