i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
