i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Randomize