you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
