Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
