I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
