you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
