im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
