He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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