I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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