he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
