I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
if i died would you start the facebook group?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I love you. Go after that dick
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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