Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
