FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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