Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
