when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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