Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
