I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
