also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
