If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
