i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I smell like Dick and happiness
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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