youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
