just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
