If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Houston, we have a squirter
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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