i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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