i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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