Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
