I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize