if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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