Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
