where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
