I just threw up on my dentist
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
