man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
