Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
