drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
