dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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