my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Boobs speak an international language.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
