I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
