I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
