He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
