She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
