Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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