and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
