How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
