Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
