I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
