I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
