My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We talked him into tasing himself.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
