Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We are two peas in an std pod
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
