im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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