dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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