nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
